Posted in Volturi with tags , , , on May 29, 2009 by hissilyssi

Death is fickle… and cruel. It takes without asking, and leaves those to carry on standing in its wake wondering ‘what the hell just happened?’. I’ve never wanted to taste death more than I do this moment. I both welcome death and despise it; consider it my closest friend and my eternal enemy. Death is unforgiving and never cautious – striking like a coiled spring set loose upon its victim. Death and I have met on several occasions, but never like this. Death has become both my saviour and the blackest fiend. As if it had any right to take what doesn’t belong to it.

Axl didn’t get that promotion, but that’s not why I’m so upset… so angry… and sad. Axl is… he’s fucking dead. It seems so easy to write this out here, but when I try to speak it aloud, an uncomfortable and unwanted pang of grief threatens to choke me should I utter the word. It’s not fucking fair! Axl was mine! They had no right to… to… DAMMIT!


I told myself I would never cry again. Not since my ‘death’. This news.. this… it’s just… too much. Even as I write, the sobs are ever-cascading and overflowing. It’s pain I never thought I would have to feel. I don’t. Want. It. I just want… I just want my Axl. If I knew where those sisters were, there heads would be displayed triumphantly on a stake!

Stop it! Stop replaying in my head! I don’t want to relive it! Dammit… fuck… I still can see it clear as day, and I will always see it just as clearly because the image has been burned into my memory just like Axl’s — stop it. I’ve never experienced such an intense level of anger… and grief… and loss… and abandonment. He’s gone! Axl’s never coming back to me! Dammit. Stop it.  The basement… the lit fireplace at the end of the room… Axl being held by two newborns… that old female vampire staring at me as she — stop! Just fucking stop!!!!

Even after I ripped her fucking body to shreds not even the rats would eat, I still was not satisfied. Nothing will ever satiate my hunger for death until I am the one in the fire. I could kill a thousand people from this moment, and thetaste of death will not be as sweet as when it is me who is dead and I can see Axl. It sounds so pathetic.. and vulnerable. I don’t fucking care. I don’t care about anything anymore. Even when I hadn’t met Axl, I still had some heart — some civility. But now… nothing. I feel nothing. I’ve never experienced this eerie numbness that is so painful! I just want it to go away! Make it stop!

I don’t have any motive to do anything. I feel just as dead as I wish I really were. The only thing that’s keeping me sane enough to not do something completely off  like suicide is the fact those sisters are still out there. I will have my revenge. I’ll tear their fucking limbs off until there’s nothing left to be burned.

It’s strange, but even when I was killing those newborns…. when I had so much anger and hateinside of me… I couldn’t use my ability. I just… it reminds me… I couldn’t relive the memories it brought. Not that curling up in the corner of my room in a pathetic fetal position is much better. Every memory I have of Axl is here, screaming at me from all sides and giving me such a headache! Just leave me be! If my memories are here to torment me the least they could do is have the intent to kill  me!

I just…. can’t write anymore… I need… to vent… on something… on someone… I want Axl. I want revenge. I want death. How selfish of death to take what doesn’t belong to it and leave me behind! If Axl is to die, shouldn’t I too?

I’m not thinking straight. Gods! Axl would ridicule me to no end if he saw me now.. and I wouldn’t care because at least I’d see him again. So pathetic… and so sappy! When did I become so… so… in love? Dammit! And all it brought me was unwanted pain and death!

I have no heart. All I have is an empty shell.

I will never fall so foolishly again.



Pain is company

Posted in Volturi with tags , , , on May 19, 2009 by hissilyssi

So many things happen in the Volturi, I sometimes find myself too overwhelmed to update this damned blog. We finally took care of the leaders of that newborn army I’ve been mentioning for several weeks. I was disappointed it was so easy to get rid of them. I would have expected a much more challenging opponent. Ah well, so that was the end of that affair.

We had several new guard members – Ashleigh, Nyala, and I believe there’s another  although I can’t be quite sure. I usually spend most of my time in my room with Axl, so I haven’t been worried about new guards. That’s another thing that happened. After a rather awkward moment between us, Axl left and supposedly had a talk with William (Speaking of him, he’s been awfully quiet the last couple of days). I must say, at the time I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a way. I’m not sure if it’s an emotion I should be feeling, because it was much… darker… than love. Axl avoided me after his talk with William for reasons I still don’t understand. He wouldn’t even touch my shoulder to stop me from leaving the room in anger. I was so furious and… hurt, dare I say it, I actually sobbed once I returned to my room. Such a weakness is Axl to me. It sounds so pathetic. Yet, I can’t help the way I feel about him.

Thankfully his little phase didn’t last very long, so we’re back to our usual torturing routine. 😉 I’m glad, because I will admit I am quite a violent addict to the pain he gives me. Axl has officially moved into my room as well. I didn’t really see anything wrong with it considering he spends most of his time there anyway. He’s been in his own room a fair few times.

Aro called for several of the guard members – including Axl – to speak with them. Usually if it’s this many, it’s about a promotion. I’m not sure if it was that case for Axl; he seemed pretty upset when he returned to my room and I have yet to ask him what’s wrong. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad a meeting.


Oh, the bittersweet irony

Posted in 1600s with tags , , , on May 6, 2009 by hissilyssi

I almost don’t know what to say for this entry. I’m still a little perturbed about the whole thing. I found out – very recently – something back from my human days. I had already known that I was betrothed; a man named Nathaniel. What I hadn’t known was that this man was none other than Axl’s older brother! How absurd! I suppose I must offer some sort of explanation. It was a short while after the newborn attack, and I had been back in a state of consciousness for at least ten minutes. So, let’s have somewhat of a flashback…

Something about Axl’s story earlier had been nagging Jane since she became coherent enough to remember it. He poisoned his brother? Where have I heard this before? she thought, glancing at the diary. “Axl, can you hand me my diary?” she said, pointing to it across the room.

“Sure…” Axl said, wondering what she wanted it for. He got up, wincing from the pain of all his injuries, and walked across the room to get the diary, and then returned to Jane’s bed. Again he winced a little as he sat down next to Jane, the cuts on his back flaring up in pain as he handed her the diary.

Jane carefully grabbed the diary and layed it in her lap as she opened it to a random page. Her eyes scanned the yellowed pages as she flipped through the worn book, trying to find a certain entry. “Ah.. here it is.” she mumbled and then read through it silently. As she read, her eyes widened and she gripped the book tightly before she realised she was reading aloud.

 “… Nathaniel died today. Or rather he was killed; poisoned they say, by his little brother – the one I didn’t get to meet at the dinner party or the celebration because Nathaniel had refused to bring him. I don’t quite remember his name. It was a very unpopular name…”

Jane’s eyes paused in their reading to glance at Axl.

“I suppose this brother of his is on the run now, from what I hear. A shame really, he sounded interesting considering we both shared a common enemy…”

She stopped reading before the part that talked about how grateful she was and just stared at the pages blankly. It couldn’t really be… possible… could it? she thought.

Axl snatched the diary from Jane’s hands and re-read over the same page she had just read. He read it once, and then again to be sure he had read it right. It took him a moment to collect his thoughts together before he was able to speak. “Y-you were Nat’s betrothed?” he asked suddenly, turning his gaze to Jane. His eyes then narrowed in anger at his dead brother. Without warning he stood from the bed, ignoring the pain, and crossed the room, not looking at Jane. It took him a moment to figure out that what he was feeling was jealousy, despite the fact that his brother Nathaniel had died a long long time ago.

To say the least, we were both a bit overwhelmed by the news. I could almost feel the jealousy seeping from Axl’s very core, and I held a smug satisfaction knowing it was for me. Nathaniel was a pig and a boring one at that. It truly is a shame Axl and I did not meet sooner, but at least we’ve met now and can take comfort knowing Nathaniel is where he belongs; dead and in the ground.



Posted in Volturi with tags , , , , on May 3, 2009 by hissilyssi

Those bloody, filthy curs! I cannot believe the nerve!

Axl and I had been in my room talking when the attack began; a horrible pounding and scraping noise. The untamed newborns were climbing the walls like spiders to a gossamer web, trying to get in. That was when the bell was rung. It would be just an ordinary clock bell to any ignorant human, but to the Volturi guard it is a sign to stop everything you are doing and meet in the main chamber immediately to prepare for a battle. I was on my feet immediately, grabbing my grey robes and dashing downstairs to the main chamber where every single guard member came to stand before Aro. We could hear the collateral damage being done outside the castle, so Aro’s speech was brief: Seek and destroy. I was put in charge, as I often am in these situations. I wasted no time in formalites and sent everyone to their positions to fight off these imbeciles.

It did not take long for each one of us to get entangled in a web of claws, teeth and red eyes. We were battling on all sides with raging newborns clamouring to get inside and kill our Volturi leaders. It was easier when Alec and Zack finally put their abilities to work: blocking any abilities the newborns may have had and Alec cutting of their senses. Except, because most of us were distracted it was much easier to be taken by surprise. I was thrown to the ground by two savage immortal children, ready to rip my head off when I flipped them over and dealt them the full extent of my pain-giving ability; such a wonderful show to behold, their writhing and screaming and begging for mercies they shall never see.

I was not aware of much else around me, too caught up in my own battles. However, I did find out later that some of the newborns from the army managed to reach Aro’s private chambers where himself, Marcus, Caius, their wives, Renata, Sage, Riley and William all were there to defend and protect. I heard vaguely throgh the gossip later that Riley’s brother, Lucas, was one of the newborns and Riley was forced to end his immortal life. I do not pity her, she knew the day would come when she would have to kill someone she cared about. It is the way of our life.

Axl and I were left pretty badly injured once the fight had finally come to a close and everyone was permitted to return to their rooms to recuperate. However, it wasn’t long until the sounds of another battle could be heard from Aro’s chambers. I wasted no time in checking it out, only to find that Zack had turned against us. The bastard. Axl took care of him and another newborn and I was left to take care of the other in Aro’s private chambers. Aro had already been attacked, a feat that would’ve been altogether impossible had I been in the room at the time. I only remember vaguely what happened next – my body being slammed against the wall, a sickening crunch as my skull ricocheteed off the wall and threatened to completely send me into darkness. I was able to take down the newborn before she could harm Aro any further and then left while Aro took care of his wife, Sulpicia. I didn’t make it very far, the world suddenly turning on its side and everything became a blur of colours and agonizing pain as my head threatened to implode.

I saw darkness.

When my eyes finally opened, Axl was next to me  and I was back in my room lying on my bed. I couldn’t seem to focus no matter how many times I blinked, and my head was hurting in such a way I thought I might’ve given in to the darkness again if Axl hadn’t kept me awake by talking to me. I only heard bits and pieces of the story he told me – about his life before his change. The parts I was able to make out through my foggy haze intrigued me, and only intensified my curiosity in him. It hadn’t occurred to me until then that I knew very little about Axl, while in turn he knew almost my entire life’s story.

I am not fully recovered yet, so I should really continue my rest. The aches and pains I feel right now, are not unpleasant but they do cause an unecessary amount of inconvienence. So, I shall end this entry here.


Troubles and Pain

Posted in Volturi with tags , , on April 28, 2009 by hissilyssi

Good afternoon, everyone. Well, after some rather petulant curiosity on my part, I’ve created a blog to chronicle the days I spend at the Volturi. Granted, most if it is uninteresting and may leave one confused at the least, but I’ll venture into this technological advancement with ease and see how it goes.

I suppose I could talk about some of the more recent events. Just a few days ago we held a Masquerade Ball. It was a group idea, and by group I mean: Chantal, William, Renata and whoever else was present at the time. I was not. It was a rather interesting affair. I quite liked my attire; black dress, Cirque de Soleil-esque makeup, and a rather conspicuous looking whip from a familiar game of Truth or Dare. Don’t ask. Everyone elses’ outfits were not as atrocious as I had expected. Heidi is a rather large exception to that. She may as well have worn nothing but her undergarments – or perhaps that outfit was her undergarments. In any case, she was a complete trollip about the whole thing. It’s no wonder every guy in the room tailed her like  lost puppies. Axl knows better. He has me to thank for that, to which I am quite proud to say.

Axl and I have an… interesting relationship. I’m not exactly sure what to think of it myself. I’ve never tread territory like this before.. this intense emotion people call ‘love’. A very powerful and binding emotion. I sometimes find myself overwhelmed by it. I’ve never felt love for anyone other than the familial love I have for Alec and maybe in a twisted sense, Aro. These emotions are so confusing, even to a sharp tac like myself.

We haven’t always been this way. We hate each other dutifully as our pretenses would allow. As far as anyone else is concerned we simply have a love for torturing each other rather than an actual love for one another. I am quite smug on the small fact that I was not the first to admit to such a deep emotion, but I tip my hat to Axl for keeping his dignity by dealing quite a bit of pain – which I deserved (and secretly was asking for). Axl has an ability similar to mine. Where I can create an illusion of pain, he can create physical and real pain. It literally eats away at your insides. It hurts like fucking hell too, but I can’t say that I don’t love every jaw-clenching, white-knuckled minute of it.

We’ve had a bit of a situation as of late. Some strange occurences happening in the cities that surround Volterra which have both myself and our leaders concerned. There have been several attacks on the neighboring cities, and we’ve had too many rampant ‘children’ on the loose. It’s very… odd… and I fear what may come of it.

I should not fill my head with such dreadful thoughts. I should enjoy the time I have alone with Axl for the moment, because it’s only a matter of time before Aro finds another mission for us.